This week I have been so saddened to hear of 2 young guys on the coast commit suicide. They were both friends of friends of mine.
When I was 18, I planned my suicide. At that moment, A loud voice said (‘don’t do it, if you hang on a bit longer you will find happiness one day’). I listened, I didn’t, and I have. I have found so much happiness. When I used to walk down the street in the midst of the darkest depression I would see people walking together, talking and smiling.
That was all I wanted. Was to feel that joy that I saw on the faces of so many people, yet deep down I was trapped. My soul was in darkness. I wrote this a few years after.
This is for anyone struggling out there with hopelessness. PLEASE HANG ON – HAPPINESS IS on the way.
My life was full of devastation I was going my own way. Continually doing my thing Was never going to pay. My life was spiralling downward My mind out of control. Searching in all the wrong places, for something to make me whole. I thought that I would take my life away, then the voice from heaven, said, hold on for a better day is coming. Will you just stop running, don’t throw your life away. I’l give you the solution And you’ll see a better day. Suicide’s a permanent solution to a problem that is only temporary. If you hold on, and you are strong, you’ll see a BETTER day is coming and it won’t be very long.
If you are feeling alone there are people out there who care. I’m here for anyone that needs someone.
When I started my journey of recovery from alcoholism and pill addiction after wanting to commit suicide at 18, I was working near Circular Quay in Sydney. I was struggling with severe depression and every morning I woke up, With a huge black cloud hanging over my head. One of the sayings I had heard in Alcoholics Anonymous was ‘Count your blessings’. As I walked past the ferries every morning to get to work feeling so sorry for myself and how my life had ended up, a homeless man with no legs would sit in his wheelchair looking down at the water as everyone stared at him. Immediately there it was!
I would think to myself, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. I thought, Yes life may be hard, but at least I have legs to walk. I can get up and shower every morning. I have a place to live, I can still work and earn a living so I can eat. I have family who love me. I may have lost my spirit but I haven’t lost everything! I felt so sad for this man but I was so grateful to him for the daily reminder of ‘just how BLESSED I really was’. He didn’t know it but he helped me look at my life through a different lens. He helped me get through the darkest time of my life.
What I would give for one more I love you! Such a special time for many but for others a time of sadness. This is my first Father’s day without my dad. No card will be sent or received and no phone call just to say “I love you”. I have learnt that when the times of sadness hit the hardest, I can either lie down and be immobilised, OR have a quick visit, feel the pain and then get up and focus on the things that bring me JOY. I do not want to camp in a place of heartache for too long. I prefer to choose JOY!
If you are someone who will find fathers day difficult, let me encourage you, to plan something to look forward to. To look after yourself and surround yourself with whoever and whatever is good for your soul and whatever will bring you peace and happiness.